Straightening the doormat

I noticed that the doormat was at a slightly crooked angle. I reached down and moved the mat back into its correct place. The edge of the mat was then perpendicular to the door.

210 Responses to “Straightening the doormat”

  1. Aaron says:


  2. Doormatthew says:

    Doormat Mania
    Doormats…Maybe I Should Get A New Doormat…All My Others Are Straightened…

  3. technogran1 says:

    It’s all I do all day. Straighten doormats.

  4. Tenacious Doormat says:

    This is not the dullest blog in the world
    No, this is a tribute
    Couldn’t remember the dullest blog in the world
    This is a tribute

  5. Sadako says:

    Are you going to update? I need my boring fix, dammit!

  6. Gerry says:

    Dear Applescruffs,
    Surely a door mat can only be called a “matdoor” when it`s being used for bullfighting ?

  7. PHILIP says:


  8. Suko says:

    LOL! Or should I say LOB (love this blog)! 🙂

  9. Suko says:

    Even though the ‘O’ doesn’t really fit! 🙂

  10. baz says:

    i need a door so i dan get a doormat

  11. Are things so boring that you’ve run out of things to be bored with?

  12. Aileen says:

    Dull indeed, yet very funny.

  13. Will says:

    You say that the edge of the doormat was perpendicular to the door, surely you mean that two of the four edges were perpendicular to the door or alternatively two of the four edges were parrallel to the door. I disagree with uh who states (above) that this is a homosexual website. I have been perusing this website for a number of years and am yet to find any evidence of this type of activity. Assuming of course that it is a rectangular doormat.

  14. Andrew E says:

    Rating: marvellous

  15. kara says:

    Doormats make me cry. [sadface]

  16. stellarhopper says:

    In soviet Russia, doormat straightens you

  17. Undead says:

    Hope you are not dead, no posts for a long time!

    If you are dead, you can write this final post:

    I died. My body started rotting, so my neighbors called the police who took me out and buried me. I am still rotting.

  18. paul says:

    the doormat is a success! it is not dull by any means – thus it can not possibly be part of the dullest blog. I LOVE IT – ONLY IN AMERICA!

  19. Janak says:

    I think this blog can be very handy in curing insomnia. Great public service. (This is not a rhetorical statement… I am a true fan of the blog).

  20. Matt says:

    I’ve done that too.

  21. John says:

    Just discovered this site.
    Three thumbs up!

  22. kelly says:

    oh dear. my mat is round.

  23. Mike says:

    I prefer to have the long edge of the doormat parallel to the door. But what would I do with a square door mat? I guess if two edges are parallel, the others would be perpendicular.

  24. Mr. Llama says:

    Dang doormats! >:U

  25. My boss uses me as a doormat, never tries to straighten just wipes his feet with stupid comments. Sooooo very soon he’ll come back from ANOTHER vacation and the doormat will be gone and soon he’s job will be too. Ahhhh retirement.

  26. Jaime says:

    My doormat: it is askew.

  27. Jesse Smith says:

    Thank you. I searched all over looking for a solution to my problem and finally, when I googled how to straighten a doormat I found your site.
    You are a god-send, thank you!

  28. JR says:

    I purposely kicked my doormat askew. Yet, as I was walking away, I felt compelled to return to the ruinous situation at the door. Only after correcting the position of the doormat could I walk away.

  29. james says:

    finally! real things on the internet!

  30. Claire says:

    This level of excitement is hard to deal with at 8 am.


  31. john smith says:

    Upon reading the comments to your post, I realized there hadn’t been any for a while. So I added one.

  32. autumn says:


  33. Sheri says:

    Hmmm that reminds me, I need to straighten my door mat…. done. I feel so much better about life now. Thanks!

  34. charles says:

    I read this post too close to bed time. I was awake all night. When I awoke at noon the next day, I straightened my own doormat, and felt better.

  35. JK says:

    This blog is like the time I spent 3 hrs watching someone play Heavy Rain, only leaving the room when an interesting part was about to happen.

  36. Eliza says:

    After i’m done with mine, i straighten my neighbor’s doormat. And then i feel truly accomplished.

  37. xoxosugar&&spicexoxo says:

    this changed my life… thank you…

  38. Joey says:

    I’m not sure why no one has noted it yet, but wouldn’t it be correct to say that the mat is now parallel to the door?

    Assuming that the front of the house faces South, the door itself is in an East-West configuration when closed (I know how you hate doors that are ajar). The leading edge of the mat is now also in an East-West configuration, making it parallel to the door’s plane. Of course, if the mat is rectangular, the shorter edges are perpendicular to the door, but we all know that those edges are secondary, yes?

    The other possibility is that you were discussing the plane of the mat with respect to the plane of the door. If that is true, then the mat is indeed now perpendicular to the door (assuming that the porch is level and that the door is hung true). With that said, the mat could be as crooked as [insert favorite joke politician here] and still be perpendicular to the door’s plane.

  39. Dull dullington says:

    whoaa oh my goodness i am feeling woozy

  40. Dull dullington says:

    …. from the excitement

  41. Bwenz says:

    Long time reader first post. “Straightening the doormat” was a good read. A feel good story that kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Keep up the good work.

  42. A person says:

    Right angles are indeed pleasing to the human eye, they imply that there is some sort of higher order imposed upon the cosmos by beings who presumably care. Although why we desire an ordered universe rather than a chaotic one is still up for debate, either choice is essentially the same, they just happen to have a different configuration of the particles involved.

  43. Shalabh Srivastava says:

    I have a room with a door. I also have two doormats, one on either side of the door. I always keep the doormats straight, with the longer edge perpendicular to the door. I am very particular about doormats.

  44. Knickerbocker says:

    I didn’t have a doormat… until I read this blog. I don’t want to get too deep here or anything, but I now straighten my doormat every single day.

  45. Baron Luke says:

    This blog of yours induces a certain ataraxia in me. I can’t quite put my finger on it.

    In this world of showy, sensationalist claptrap, it’s nice to see someone extolling — nay — championing — but not with too much gusto, of course — the little things, for it’s the little things that make life truly special.

    O! we happy few who congregate here, drawn to the aegis your words extend — aegis from the unpredictability of life.

    ‘With no alarms and no surprises, please’.

    Now, let us turn to this doormat.

    The — almost — molecular level of detail that went into describing this clearly satisfying procedure led me to closely examine my doormat, to try to make out subatomic worlds.

    Alas, to no avail, for I can’t comprehend the infinitely small with near as much ease as the infinitely big. In other words, I can imagine something getting bigger and bigger, ad infinitum, like our universe — for those that subscribe to the expanding universe theory — but not something getting smaller and smaller, ad infinitum, like Grandma from George’s Marvellous Medicine, or Scott Carey from The Incredible Shrinking Man.

    Anyone gifted in comprehending the infinitely small should contact me post-haste.

    Baron Luke.

  46. Adrian Clark says:

    Absurd, what fun.

  47. lolzor says:

    Judging by the sparsity of the posts, the author is having a pretty exciting life at this moment.

  48. durematlaaaak says:

    it really does it for me when my mat is perpendicular to to door at a 83 degree angle to my fridge ..,all the lads be buzzin in the hood no vertical angles in this household boyyy

  49. JB says:

    I immediately made my mat perpendicular to the door and then found it parallel to everything else. Very clever!

    Upon closer examination, I observed excessive amounts of gravity, which pulled the earth tight against the mat.

  50. Lou says:

    Please use short words to write. Too much stress to read long ones. I don’t know ‘doormat’. Too long.

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