Straightening the doormat

I noticed that the doormat was at a slightly crooked angle. I reached down and moved the mat back into its correct place. The edge of the mat was then perpendicular to the door.

208 Responses to “Straightening the doormat”

  1. Joshua Ng says:

    Did I straighten my doormats?

  2. Joshua Ng says:

    Doormats, doormats, doormats.

  3. Joshua Ng says:

    In addition to doormats, I am now obsessed with this blog.

  4. Joshua Ng says:

    By writing about doormats here, I fulfill both my obsessions. I shall have to blog about this.

  5. Trudi says:

    My heart is starting to race after reading this. I need to rest now.

  6. Bill Rogers says:

    This website isn’t so dull.

  7. Harvey Flea says:

    Hah-hah! I heard about this site on CNBC news, oddly enough. What a funny idea! I’m sure we all have doormats that could use straightening. This site is one gigantic un-joke.

  8. gulamelaka77 says:

    I have 8 doors at home but only 6 doormats.

    All of these doormats, their edge are perpendicular to the door.

    Door & doormats.

    Makes me happy.

  9. Alastair says:

    Thank you Alastair for allowing me to waste my life reading this blog, I hate you for it and I will never talk to you ever again ! you sit less than 20 metres away from office which I am now having sound proofing added to my office door so I can not hear the squeaking & popping sound when you eat and the glass in the door will be painted black so I can not see a the face that makes most people do a little vomit in their mouth. Please do not try to contact me. I will never recover from this !!

  10. says:

    You think doormats are dull……you should try door hardware!!!
    And the stupid dumbass storeman at our work!!

  11. jwindsor says:

    I cried because I had no doormat, until I met a man with no door.

  12. Richard says:

    Doormats can make fun and interesting wall hangings at an affordable price.

  13. Alastair & Bob says:

    Freaking door mat & Alastair because Alastair gave me a link to this site I now cant sleep because of the hunting dreams of door mats chasing me with the sound of Alastair eating oh god I think I’m going to be oh god ……………..

  14. Sandersen says:

    I hate crooked doormats. I like to straighten them, too. Such satisfaction.

  15. austin says:

    This is just too wild for me. I’m going to be up all night now.

  16. Stardust says:

    I don’t have doormats, or anything to correct so that it’s perpendicular to the door.

    Should I be unhappy?

    Please blog on.

  17. Sadako says:

    Just wanted to say I love this and i hope you update again!

  18. Sonny Lee says:

    I looked down to see that my door mat was out of place… i had no desire to fix it, so instead, i ate it.

  19. Will says:

    When I was leaving the house this morning I stept on the doormat that is kept infront of the door in the hallway.

  20. Paul says:

    Mine is a fitted doormat so i do not need to straighten mine. Yes, i am that wealthy.

  21. Tim Pell says:

    I do this quite frequently. At the end of my life I will be sad that I wasted hours with this task. Literally hours.

  22. James says:

    Now you have got me obsessed about my doormats at home. I have straightened them and intend to keep it that way, which means everybody got to sidestep the doormats. hehe…

  23. jimmy bestov says:

    just read this…

  24. Gazza says:

    Please take a look at my blog – it really is dull

  25. Tadpole says:

    This is fucking fantastic! I hate crooked doormats! You are leading the war against askew mats… Good man!

  26. Dr. Pedantic says:

    Which edge?

  27. uh says:



  28. ApathyNow! says:

    Once when I was mowing the lawn I noticed an ant crawling on my arm. I was like “Whoa. Ant”. Then I flicked it off. I don’t know where it ended up.

  29. ApathyNow! says:

    P.S. – please post every day. I feel better knowing someone else’s life is just as boring as my own.

  30. straightening_doormats_straightening_life says:

    This is a very thought provoking post. The doormats are supposed to be a metaphor for life. The doormats move away from their correct position after people step on them. The angle with which they were with door changes when people wipe their feet off them. Similarly life also changes drastically with interactions and obtaining different kinds of knowledge from people who enter our lives.

    We need to find a way to straighten our doormats as well as our life when we find out that it has become crooked.

    Hats off to you for writing such an enlightening blog post. And we thought the great philosophers were dead!!

  31. mark says:

    As long as the doormat is black, with no writing, pictures or adornment, I see no problem in having one.

  32. You need a good shag, preferably not with your mother, go on give your sister a ride.

    Incest is best when kept in the family.

  33. Wee Willie says:

    Is a “straightened doormat” a metaphor? When people walk all over me, will I now be the best doormat I can be? I am a successful loser.

  34. hauzer says:

    this is a pretty funny site, as an uninspiring writer myself … i get you.

  35. Repton says:

    what you should do is calculate the density of the mat multiplied by the magnitude of the ground, by doing this you will find that your foot matches the complexity when you step, however you may need a ruler to move the mat according to your calculation.

    to conclude, by doing thisd you will experience maximum satisfaction causing you to reveal your efficient nature capabilities.

    however what you have mentioned , “perpendicular to the door” is quite vague and lacks arithmatic. so please blog more effectively

    thanks, Repton

  36. Repton says:

    PS: forgot to add sorry:

    so please use the formula delta V= density X magnitude, and also make sure you have a quite accurate ruler (meter ruler advisable), use a calculator and round your answer to 3sf

    thank you

  37. applescruffs says:

    Shouldn’t it be “Matdoor?” I mean imagine playing second fiddle to a door. I don’t get mini-barfs except when I straighten matdoors.

  38. Rishabh says:

    I am awed by your dullness.

  39. Breast says:

    Most boring ever seen~

  40. djoh437938 says:

    Posthaste I straightened my own doormat which had been uneasily left askew, then I hurriedly checked my other mats, sinkmat, bathmat, backdoor mat……I’m going to be busy for awhile.

  41. ted says:


  42. The Coolest Dork says:

    This site is so boring it makes me laugh.

    Are you sure it is perpendicular? You may have it at a 89 degree angle or a 91 degree angle. To properly make sure of this you must have the required tools to do so; a ruler and protractor.

  43. sav says:

    I’m with Repton on this, except for a true Euclidean solution you should use an unmarked ruler, compasses and a laser level.

  44. Gem Stone says:

    Its when the edges start to curl that really bother me. Tripping ensues, and swearing, perhaps kicking the doormat into place. We all know this doesn’t work. Door-slamming will probably be involved. Sigh.

  45. I agree says:

    Name says it all.

  46. ade says:

    More updates please! I’m getting withdrawal symptoms.

  47. Hmm~ says:

    I like doormats and pencils…and many other thinks that take up my life thanks to this blog….

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